I am just about stressed to my limit. Paul is supposed to find out today or tomorrow if he gets a HUGE promotion.

Promotion = moving back to the place where we fell in love.
Promotion = mo money.
Promotion = husband finally having a job he can be proud of.
Promotion = babies sooner.

All of this depends on one phone call, and that could come any time between now and 5:00 PM tomorrow. Every time my phone rings, I have a mild heart attack. Paul says his second interview went ridiculously well. All of the things I was most worried about in the interview process went perfectly. The guy even said that not having a degree was a non-issue. In all honesty, every single thing has gone unimaginably well. I even have a tentative interview scheduled for Saturday...just in case Paul gets the job. We have already visited (and like!) the church we would most likely attend after the move. God's hand has been all over this process.

So why am I so stinking nervous?

Paul acted funny yesterday when he came to pick me up after work. He texted me to say he was going to stay in the car instead of coming inside after he got to my parking lot. He never does that. I was so stressed after that text that I got sick. Who does that? When we got home, I cried myself to sleep (he fell asleep, too, and we were 30 minutes late to worship practice because of it). I am going crazy over this stuff. I KNOW God is in control. As far as I can tell, only good things would come out of him getting the job. We feel like _______ is where we need to be. We would be more financially stable. We could pay off debt. We could start the rest of our family. I see no down-side.

I guess I feel like I want too much. Like God couldn't possibly want this for me. I know, that sounds ridiculous - but I can't shake it.

So I'll go back to praying.

God is in control.
even when I can't see where He is leading me.
or why.
His ways are not my ways.
so please help me be okay with that.
And when I am afraid, I will trust in Him.
not because I have no where else to turn,
but because He is the only Place to turn.
My God,
please help me with my unbelief.