God IS in Control

My husband and I are going through a crazy-stressful time right now. I won't get in to the details (some people very close to us don't know about it, and I really don't think my blog is the best forum for telling them), but I hit my maximum-stress-level yesterday. On top of everything else, a grumpy old man came in to my office and exploded. He wanted me to do something, my computer system refused to do it unless he did X first, and he didn't want to do X. So he yelled at me and called me names and stormed out. He never treats my boss like that and I just knew that when I told her about it, she was going to wonder what I had done to provoke such a response from him. I called my dad on the way to pick up my husband after work and unloaded.

"I know God is in control. I know He can do whatever He wants. I'm just not convinced that what He wants is the same as what I want. What I want just sounds too good to be true."

We find out the answers to all of our questions next Friday. As I type that, I see how silly it seems - just 9 days? Anyone can handle 9 days, right? Not this girl. My whole life could change in 9 days. I can see God's hand in all of it - things are falling together entirely too smoothly to be coincidence. I am sure of it. But what if I am wrong? Does that mean I read too much in to everything? All of my church education tells me that if it doesn't work out, God has something better for us. But what on earth could be better than this?

This morning I read my daily list of blogs before I started working. Jon always has good stuff. Today, he pointed out Romans 8:26 - "We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." No way do I know what to pray for! I have worked my way through all the scenarios (thanks, mom, for teaching me that one) ... and there is nothing left for me to do but wait. I am not good at waiting. I am, actually, quite horrible at waiting.

"Holy Spirit, please intervene on my behalf and say what I can't say. I'm at a loss for words, and you know how rarely that happens."

I would like to say that I feel a lot better about everything, but that would be a lie. The only real change is that now I feel like I can do something. I can groan. And why do I feel like it is working?

God gave me his promise in action today.

The grumpy old man came back. And apologized.

If He can make that old 'b-hole' (his words, clearly not mine) say he was sorry...He can do anything. Even ____ __ ____ _ ___. __ ___________.

Jon and the B-word (+8)

I just read Kelly's blog and felt the need to word vomit on my own site.

Don't hold it against me, but I actually watched the Jon & Kate season premiere last night (I feel a little less adult for having said that).

Holy crap that woman is horrible at marriage. If you are going to spend your entire marriage talking down to your husband and making him feel like less of a man for not doing things exactly the way you want...don't act surprised when your marriage crumbles. Don't play the victim - it really is your fault. Of course everyone is responsible for their own actions. I don't care if Jon did or didn't have a real affair or just wished he was with someone else (but who can blame him). That isn't the point. The point is that you are a horrible wife.

Please don't talk about your church. No one wants to hear about another naggy Christian wife. And please don't mention how you only let your kids eat free range chicken or organic lolly-pops - if you can't teach your little girls and boys how to respect their daddy, I don't want to hear about it. Shouldn't you be focusing more of your time teaching them how to love? I don't really care that you can throw a great birthday party (oh wait, your assistants and PRs did most of the work) or that your new house is 'green.' If you can't show real respect to your husband, the rest is worthless as far as I'm concerned.

As a Christian wife, your marriage needs to be your number one priority. Not your kids. The whole, 'I'm here for the kids' thing: absolutely pathetic. On both of you. You have enough assistants, family, and friends to take care of the kids for a weekend or every Thursday night while you go to intense therapy with your pastor. And America doesn't need to hear you talk about it. Let your marriage do the talking. Because your money, your show, your book tour - those aren't the most important things to your kids. Mommy and Daddy being there for them is. Sure, you can 'get along.' You can make it work. But how much more emotionally healthy will your kids be if you can FIX it? Focus on that for a change. Cancel the show. Ignore the book tour. Fix your marriage if you really care about your kids.

p.s. - No one buys all the 'poor, pitiful me' crap. It somehow carries a WHOLE lot less weight when you cry about the paparazzi and tabloids...on your reality show.

Grace

I'm sitting here, having a conversation (FB chat) with my aunt. She just drove a woman to the nursing home to see her husband. This woman can't drive herself because of eye problems. Just that much information made me sick to my stomach - I couldn't imagine not being able to see my husband every day. To not live with him? To know he was sick, in another place, and I couldn't care for him.

Then my aunt tells me that he is the woman's 5th husband.
Take that in. Makes you sick? You feel badly for her? Just wait.

Three of them died, one of them left her. The current husband was her pastor way back in the day (Wednesday? Nevermind...), and they recently re-met and married. 4 months after the wedding, he fell. He hasn't been the same since, and now he's in the nursing home. This woman has been left (one way or another) by men she loves at least 5 times in her 80 years. Five times. I don't know heart ache. I have never even tasted the heart ache this woman lives with on a daily basis.

And yet.
My aunt tells me this woman is 'that woman' in the church. The one who brightens the room when she walks in. When they were leaving the nursing home, a nurse stopped them because she 'needed a hug' from my aunt's friend. The nurse needed the hug!? How does that make sense? Has she buried 3 husbands? But that is who this woman is. She is the Jesus-figure in her community. I have had an enormously blessed life, and no one would say things anywhere near that great about me. I've been a bitter, jaded, gossipy woman most of my adult life. And for what? Because I've had a few tough-breaks? Puts things in perspective, doesn't it?

Marriage

Another dear friend just told me her marriage is falling apart. Days like this I wonder why mine is the only marriage that seems solid.

We didn't do anything by the book (not The Book - I'm talking about the Oral Tradition passed down from one generation of know-it-all Christians to the next). We didn't date two years, stay engaged for one, or get married in the summer. We dated 2.5 months before he proposed and got married 7.5 months later in the middle of the winter. He wasn't a student at my private Christian school; in fact, he went to a *gasp* State School! Our parents were on different sides of a very heated denominational split. In short, the OT dictated that we should fail as soon as the honeymoon wore off.

Nope. Two-and-a-half years later, I still respect him as the best man I've ever met, and he finds fabulous ways to show his love for me every day. God has blessed our marriage, and I have never been more happy in my life!

So why is it that my friends who actually did play by the rules are having so many problems?! One is finalizing a divorce, one hasn't spoken to her husband in two weeks, and another is in marital counceling. It absolutely blows my mind. It's not that we haven't worked our butts off making our marriage what it is today (and are working it today, and will work on it tomorrow). I just have a hard time seeing why there isn't any honest advice out there.

Maybe the problem is that people aren't real. No one is willing to sit down with an engaged couple (better yet, a new couple who is beginning to think that marriage might be the end result of their relationship) and say, 'Listen. My wife and I have had a hard time. We had a big blow-up on the way to meet with you tonight. Marriage isn't easy. It won't solve any of your problems.' How many sermons have you heard where the pastor admitted to yelling at his wife during the week? How many couples in your church have asked you for prayer because they had a rough week with eachother? No one I know asks for help from their church until it is too late.

I don't really have any answers. I'm just hurt and confused for my friends. Marriage isn't easy. Why does everyone like to pretend like it is?